The year was nineteen and ninety-seven. Spring Break in the big city. My uncle, a snob about most things, hands me an almost new compact disc. A crystal clear jewel case, opaque white tray liner, and a blurred and grainy, somewhat uninteresting photo on the cover with simple text that read:
first band on the moon THE CARDIGANS
My uncle explains that he loves “that song that goes like love me love me, sayyy that you looove me” so he bought the CD only to find out the rest of the songs were trash. As a snob about most things myself, I was intrigued. As far as I was concerned, the song he was referring to (“Lovefool”) was fizzy dumpster juice. So, on the long drive back to my hometown, I snapped it into my Discman, which I carefully cradled in my sweater sleeves because skip protection was for kids with rich parents.
I’ve come around a bit on “Lovefool” but it’s not a perfect song. I’m here to tell you about a different one. Today’s Perfect Song™️ is “Happy Meal II” by The Cardigans, from the album First Band on the Moon.
This song tells the story of a woman preparing for a dinner date at her place. Fun! She’s arranging her books, she’s making up some nice stories to amuse you. She’s Marie Kondo-ing. She’s sparking joy. Cute! By the pre-chorus though, she’s hungry for the meeting. She’s hungry for the dinner, yeah, but she’s also salivating at those kinky thoughts she’s thinking. All because of you! And the escalating vocal delivery of this arc is absolutely genius. I’m sorry to tell you, but by the time you show up with your stupid little bouquet from Trader Joe’s, she’s already drafting her vows. The Google Calendar invite she emailed you, titled “Happy Meal 2”, which you thought was a bit business-casual for a second date, is scheduled to begin in 45 minutes. I’m sorry to tell you, she means BUSINESS business. Look alive.
She takes a deep breath before beginning the second verse. Got a little ahead of herself! Ok, what does she need to do. She needs to prepare the meal. She needs to light some candles…oh and the wine. Flirty orchestral music is playing on the living room speakers and now it’s time for a bath. Bubbles! But uh oh, here it comes again. I’m sorry to tell you, but she’s fully imagining you in slow motion eating her meal and she is EAGER, buddy. She is drafting the blueprint of your first house together, buddy. She is naming her first born after you, buddy. She is ecstatic. Literally no one in the world can be happier than she. And all because of you, buddy!!
Those drums you hear? That’s the sound of your good shoes tumbling down the sidewalk like a leaves in the wind. I’m sorry to tell you, but you don’t have a choice in the matter anymore. The sheer force of her emotional starvation is a black hole. It’s setting off car alarms. The dogs in the alley are howling. She’s zipping up her dress. She’s chanting, “No one can be happier than me. Happier than me. Happier than meeee. HAAAPPIERRRR THAN MEEEEEEEE.” Your feet are no longer touching the ground. You’re gliding up her steps. And just as she closes her eyes, something knocks the door for you.
Well that’s where the song ends. Clocking in at 2 minutes and 36 seconds, you never stood a chance.
This is actually a perfect album. Non-stop, back to back bangers. I still think “Lovefool” is the weak link, but I still listen to this album several times a year and never skip it. It’s an easily misunderstood song when orphaned from the broader context and message of the album. Obsession, toxic love, codependency, emotional devastation, shame, etc. It’s pop, but it’s Swedish, so it’s smarter than us.
<3 Tonya
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